April 2011

Another blog. About Portland. And other stuff too.

about | archives | twitter | flickr | potma | iphone snapshots | facebook | yelp
rss feed | youtube | links | the burning log


Questions? Comments? Reservations?
anotherportlandblog[at]gmail[dot]com

Another Portland Blog

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

 

An open break-up letter to the Oregonian's circulation department




Hey,

It's over. O-v-e-r. Kaput. Finished.

But it's not my fault, honest. You know I dig you, baby.

I tried to keep it going, really I did, but my workload continues to increase. I can't get away with spreading the Metro section out across my desk like I once did. I've been "talked to" by my superiors and they don't think your continuing coverage of the Foxworth scandal and Emilie Boyles' endless foibles are helping to increase productivity around the office.

That's not to say we can't keep seeing each other. There's always your online edition, which I can still use to read Margie's columns in a shrunk-down browser window. As for the print edition, sorry. No can do.

I've heard the rumors that your circulation numbers are way down, especially when it comes to readers in my age demo. I know it'll hurt but you'll be able to get by without my $14 a month. Maybe you could stop including Parade in the Sunday edition or stop paying residuals to Francesco Marciuliano. Or you could always extend that hiring "freeze" of yours through the end of the decade.

If I land a better job some day, I'll renew my subscription, I swear. Just, please stop calling me. Your goons down in the circulation department have contacted me six times* in the last two days. Six! They never leave a message. I finally called them back tonight and was put on hold due to high call volume.

There you go. High call volume. You don't need me. Bungloads of new subscribers are probably begging to have John Canzano's latest anti-Darius Miles tirade delievered to their door three times a week.

Are we cool? I've been flipping through your grey pages since way back. I just gotta lay low for a while. Why not read the print edition during my off hours or during a break? Uh...er...ummm....my cell phone is ringing again. Gotta go!

Sincerely,

-B

* Seriously, six times since yesterday morning and at the same times each day. The first one comes in at 10:30 AM, the second at 2:30 PM and the last one at 8 PM. The "cold shoulder" technique isn't working. I wonder how long this will continue.

Also: I considered writing this as a parody of Foxworth's emails but then thought better of it. This blog is, after all, rated a mere PG-13.

Comments: Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]





<< Home


SEARCH THIS BLOG? SURE, NO PROBLEMO, AS BART SIMPSON USED TO SAY....





www.flickr.com




-archives-

  • October 2003
  • November 2003
  • December 2003
  • January 2004
  • February 2004
  • March 2004
  • April 2004
  • May 2004
  • June 2004
  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011

  • Clicky Web Analytics


    This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?