April 2011

Another blog. About Portland. And other stuff too.

about | archives | twitter | flickr | potma | iphone snapshots | facebook | yelp
rss feed | youtube | links | the burning log


Questions? Comments? Reservations?
anotherportlandblog[at]gmail[dot]com

Another Portland Blog

Monday, April 17, 2006

 

Easter questions answered...

It's been a while since I've celebrated Easter beyond half-heartedly dying eggs and leaving them in a relative's refrigerator. I went over to the folks' house over the weekend and the whole family spent Sunday acting like full-blown Christians (the non-practicing variation that celebrate religious holidays with candy while ignoring the unpleasant obligation to attend an early-morning church service). Some questions that have dogged me about the holiday were finally answered but still others remain a mystery....


Q: Do women still wear Easter bonnets on Easter?

A: No idea. We actually planned to attend a service this weekend but decided to sleep in and eat a late breakfast at the Laurelwood instead. Heathens, the lot of us, but they do make a mean breakfast burrito. Plus, we weren't the only Protestant-lookin' family in there drinking craft beer at 1 PM on a Sunday. No one else in the place was wearing bonnets, Easter or otherwise.


Q: Is the "Too Tall Bunny" really too tall for his box?




A: Nope. Upon closer inspection you'll notice that his feet don't actually go through a hole in the bottom of the box. In fact, 30% of his cardboard home is filled with air instead of bland-choco bunny goodness. "Too Tall" is the candy, basketball-dribbling, hare equivalent of Spud Webb or Damon "Mighty Mouse" Stoudamire.


Q: Is there such a thing as Easter carols?

A: My mother seems to think so but was unable to come with evidence beyond a few scattered lyrics about Easter bonnets mixed with lines from the "Peter Cottontail" song. I suspect not.


Q: What happens if you stick one of those Easter egg coloring tablets in your mouth?


A:



Q: What do holiday-themed stuffed animals do on Easter when you aren't around?

A:


They go all Yogi the Bear on yo' Easter-ic baskets.


Q: How exactly did Mr. Christ (AKA our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ) die for my sins?

A: No idea. He passed away nearly 2000 years before I was born. I was at least a millennia away from so much as single incident of coveting my neighbor's possessions and/or significant other. I mean, I've never even met the guy...


Q: How many Easter bunnies can you stack on my father before he wakes up and starts throwing them?




A: Another unanswered question. We ran out of bunnies after nine.


Q: Did those people that dress up in bunny costumes and ride around Portland on bicycles actually head out on their annual ride yesterday despite the inclement weather?

A: If they did, they weren't passing over the Burnside Bridge around a quarter to three. Must've missed them.


Q: What happens if you aren't around to greet the actual Easter Bunny after he makes a previously unscheduled stop at your place at the "tale" end of a long day spent delivering treats around the world?




A: He gets wicked pissed and leaves you a nasty, obscenity-filled note before hiding all of your "pwe-cious eggs." To read the unsettling note he left at my parent's place, click the image above. It discredits a substantial amount of previously assumed Easter Bunny lore (keeping himself out of sight, hiding eggs for fun, not spite, sticking with sobriety, having legible handwriting, etc.)


Q: How long do you have to cook "Easter lamb" before it becomes too dry and tough?

A. The same amount of time it takes to botch the asparagus and dump too much milk in the mashed-potatoes. Sorry, Mom and Dad. It was, uh, all Shanna's fault. At least the deviled eggs turned out ok, right?

Also: putting the bunnies on Dad and posting a photo online was her idea, not mine.

UPDATE: This post made it into Tuesday's edition of the Blogometer. Huzzah!


Comments: Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]



Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home


SEARCH THIS BLOG? SURE, NO PROBLEMO, AS BART SIMPSON USED TO SAY....





www.flickr.com




-archives-

  • October 2003
  • November 2003
  • December 2003
  • January 2004
  • February 2004
  • March 2004
  • April 2004
  • May 2004
  • June 2004
  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011

  • Clicky Web Analytics


    This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?