April 2011

Another blog. About Portland. And other stuff too.

about | archives | twitter | flickr | potma | iphone snapshots | facebook | yelp
rss feed | youtube | links | the burning log


Questions? Comments? Reservations?
anotherportlandblog[at]gmail[dot]com

Another Portland Blog

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

 

Take a walk on the overpriced side

I don't know what it is. I go to work. I comb my hair. I even floss. I'm a real, nice guy but, for some strange reason, I don't know many drag queens. In fact, I'm not even on speaking terms with a single drag queen. Not a one. Zilch in the drag queen department.

I can't remember how the idea came up. Was someone celebrating a birthday? Were we going to meet someone there? Did all those pitchers at the Goose Hollow have something to with it? Whatever the reason, on Friday night someone at the table suggested a trip to Darcelle XV was in order. It could have Sho, it might have Pete but it was probably Autumn.

Darcelle XV is a drag club located in the heart of Portland's Chinatown. I can't say I didn't have a few initial qualms. Why pay to see fake boobs when Mary's Club and the Magic Garden (both of which traffic in real mamaries) are within walking distance? Er, wait, *real* boobs? In a strip club? Nevermi...

...these questions weren't helping matters. I convinced myself that, if anything, a trip to Darcelle's might offer handy tips if I ever run for senate on a GOP ticket and find myself trapped in an apartment over a Miami Beach club with my rail-thin daughter and an over-the-hill drag queen.

Apparently, one Darcelle isn't enough for Portland, thus the apparent need for fourteen others. After a gin & gin at Hung Far Low we headed two blocks over and into a whole new world. Darcelle XV was filled to the brim and overflowing with what at least appeared to be frothing-at-the-mouth secretaries. They were soused and howling like she-wolves at a Prince impersonator that had just taken the stage. As he played air guitar the bouncer held up nearly a dozen fingers. $10 for drag queens? As a wise man once said, "Funk 'dat!"

Outside we got a look at the marquee: an dozen lit-up superstars in heavy makeup with fake eyelashes stretching over the heads. The Prince guy was on there and was the only one shooting for a level closer to androgyny than Dame Edna.

But wait, there's more semi-interesting anecdotes to recount!

We made a beeline over to the Magic Garden where a stripper was busy tossing further scurrility on the evening by taking her clothes off to Ween's "Mutilated Lips." If you've never been, MG is a strip club/hipster hangout with a pretty amazing jukebox. Instead of AC/DC and Queensryhce, the dancers strut around to a litany of random indie rock tracks. Later another girl rolled around the stage as Frank Black shrieked about a "Wave of Mutilation."

Later we flirted with the idea of breaking into the Shanghai Tunnels but no one had thought to bring along a flashlight. There's at least one unlocked access point in Old Town but I'm not saying where. Instead we headed to Voodoo Doughnut to get a look at the "sacred doughnut" that was the target of a band of thieves last week. It survived the ordeal but it currently has a huge hole was poked in the side.

They were out of bacon-covered maple bars so I ordered one covered in Captain Crunch. While waiting in line we watched one of the "fryers" married two hippies while dressed in a Fat Albert meets the X-Files mask. After a shared smoke and having their feet outlined on the floor with pink chalk, they were officially linked in holy donut matrimony. After "man and wife" they dashed out the door.

ALIEN PRIEST GUY: "HEY! GET BACK HERE! I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR PICTURE!"

HUSBAND: "FUCK YOU!

WIFE: "WE'RE GOING ON OUR HONEYMOON!"

Here's a picture from the ceremony:




All in all, it was a quirky little night worthy of a Portland infomericial or bizzaro world Bacardi ad. Or at least I think so. Another detail I failed to mention: the bar designed to look like an interstellar subway station.

Anyway, click here for Autumn's take on the evening or here for Sho's rundown.

Comments: Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]



Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home


SEARCH THIS BLOG? SURE, NO PROBLEMO, AS BART SIMPSON USED TO SAY....





www.flickr.com




-archives-

  • October 2003
  • November 2003
  • December 2003
  • January 2004
  • February 2004
  • March 2004
  • April 2004
  • May 2004
  • June 2004
  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • August 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • April 2011

  • Clicky Web Analytics


    This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?