Saturday night. In line in front of me at the Broadway is a woman around 30, dressed for an evening on the town. Why is she going to a movie, by herself, in a slinky dress with her hair done up?

I get the answer after the movie. I round a corner on 6th and a woman is arguing with a guy dressed for the Portland Grill- bleach blonde spiked hair, bad tan and white dress shirt. She's screaming and I assume they're drunk and flirting. In her right hand is a 44 oz. Regal soda. It's the same woman from the line.

He says something nasty and ducks as she throws the drink at him. With ice and Coke rolling down the back of his shirt, he's fuming. I should have crossed the street but, stupidly, I decided to pass and now she's looking at me to do something. He's a walking pec and I haven't been in a fight since grade school.

A tiny, off-duty security guard rounds the corner. I decide to delegate and keep moving. The woman's jaw has now dropped to the pavement. Her eyes are on Pec Man's crotch and his hands are on his hips. He's struck a sloppy Superman pose. She starts shrieking and darts back towards Broadway.

He quickly notices the guard and zips his pants back up. Anecdotes over, right?

Wrong.

A block later I realize the Pec Man is following me and carrying the empty 44 oz soda cup. I pick up the pace and he does the same. This must be karmic slap in the face for not intervening or calling the police. There's no telling what his plans are but it probably involves the cup and my ass.

Three blocks down a deserted, 5th Avenue bus mall, I decide to head for cover- other human beings. The bus stop next to City Hall is crowded. People are reading books and smoking cigarettes. I weave between two middle-aged hippies and their low-rider bikes. "We love you man," they mutter. "Hey, didn't you hear? We love you!"
The other hippie is also smitten and he does the same.

"WE LOVE YOU! GOD, MAN, WE LOVE YOU! DIDN'T YOU HEAR US? WE LOVE YOU!"

I search for something to say back, "thanks," "I love you too" "cool" "rock on" but nothing comes out. The situation is too weird and my brain can't process it all. I look back and Pec Man is continuing down 5th. Have these hippies saved me a trip to OHSU?

The car's parked in front of 24 Hour Fitness (closed at this hour). I flash the hippies a peace sign as I pass but they don't see it. On the way home, a drunk driver, a raccoon and a tree branch fall in front of the car. Ever get the feeling the whole world is gunning for you?